The desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our psychological make-up (Gary Chapman)
Communication in any relationship is not just talking and answering back, it goes much deeper than that. I must understand the language or dialect you speak and you must understand mine. Remember we are from different backgrounds and culture, we must learn each other's slang, action or non-action in our love relationship.
Your emotional love language may be completely opposite from that of your spouse. You may communicate by touching while your spouse communicates by affirmation, and neither of you may understand each other as you do not communicate the same way. You may be looking for love in the behavioural sense while your partner is waiting for the affirmation before he or she can feel love.
We must be willing to learn each other’s primary way of communicating love. The primary way of communicating is based on our socialization as a child. If you were born in a family that expresses love in physical and affirmative manner then you automatically will do so in your relationship. However, do not expect your spouse to respond in the same way if he or she was socialized differently.
Since we are socialized differently, (even distorted sometimes) we have to learn with time, to improve and develop our secondary love language. We just have to work at it more diligently for the relationship to work.
We must be willing to learn each other's primary way of communicating love, and show appreciation for it, instead of expecting to be shown love the way you think and know. In this way there will be effective communication of love.
In other words, let the love before and at the wedding remains. Make yourself available to learn the “foreign language or dialect” of your spouse and change what is distorted in yours. This means both distortions will subsequently be eliminated.
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